Catharsis

my system - taping to the cabinet

I hit a serious funk. I went back to work this year and just sank into it. As a teacher, there is just so.much.work. Add to that little people waiting for you to pick them up and feed them and, ugh, things are crazy. I managed to keep it together for most of this year - just a few sniffles here and there when I felt quite stressed. But this past 4-day weekend with the kids was my breaking point. Teddy spiked a fever and Sam was just being Sam, which is especially needy in the wintertime, for whatever reason. Josh was out of town, and I just wasn't my best self. It all came to a head and I spent Tuesday evening, after the boys went to bed, bawling my eyes out. Catharsis.

Sam said, "This isn't junk food, right?"

Up to that point, what was building, was this growing resentment and negativity and all this blame I was putting on everyone and everything around me. After my cry, I recalled that saying by Someone Important and Sage about changing your reaction ... or the only thing you can control is your reaction. Like blaming The System and My Job or, the worst, My Kids, was getting me anywhere.

peppers before breadcrumbs

So I wrote "Be better" on our family whiteboard and just stopped yelling and feeling frustrated.

I also recommitted to dinner. See, the other thing is that I'm not doing what I enjoy most: writing and cooking and writing about cooking. And I am not enjoying my family. Basically, I wondered, "What am I doing that brings me joy?" And I came up with goose egg. And it felt lousy.

I checked a book out from the library, "Dinner: the playbook." I read the introduction in its entirety (!) and committed to doing the same sort of thing that the author did. That is: 30 days, 30 different homemade meals that I haven't made before. I eagerly went to my folders with magazine cutouts and my cookbooks and marked several recipes for the week. I made a shopping list. I organized the fridge. And I announced my plan to my husband because Family Dinner at 6:30 requires a family. He was in ... except for nights with meetings and calls. But that's okay; we'll take what we can get.

peppers with breacrumbs

Thursday, February 19, was the first night and it was a raging success. I was ready with everything right when Josh walked in the door. Sam was *so excited* to have Josh at the table with us. Teddy, well, he came to the table and looked at dinner! I overcooked the steak, but the meal was still great and Sam ate everything on his plate! AND! This morning Sam reiterated how much he enjoyed Family Dinner last night and how much he was looking forward to Friday's dinner! Whaaaaaaat? This just has to continue.

I don't know if there is a trick to sticking to this, though. I do know that my tendency is to get too big for my britches. So I have to keep the goals manageable. I also have to keep my eye on the prize, which is just having the family together. I have to have a backup plan that is in the spirit of the Family Dinner - so maybe ordering out from a place we haven't eaten at?? Dunno. What I do know is that I can't hit this point again. It wasn't certifiable. It wasn't commit-able. It was just lots of sobbing and puffy eyes in the morning. That's no fun.

overcooked steak with herb sauce and peppers with breadcrumbs

Let's Talk Turkey

I know there are some people out there who don't like turkey. I know there are some who think that the bird is the worst part of the Thanksgiving or Christmas meal. I know that the turkey is fraught with drama: people hate dark meat, people hate brining, people hate the obligatory dishes and guests.  The bird carries some serious baggage.

The bird

But I love turkey. I love the way it tastes and I love doing interesting things with the leftovers. I have one turkey sandwich - which should be on good bread spread with softened butter (yes! that's it!). And then I go nuts thinking about the various leftover permutations.

croquettes

I began my preparation early this year by making a brown turkey stock a week in advance of Thanksgiving. Now, we actually did not host the big day this year, but, as I mentioned, I love leftovers so much that I resolved to make my very own small bird either before or after celebrating the actual Turkey Day with others elsewhere. Crazy? Perhaps.

empanadas

The traditional, bird-centered meal was good. The bird itself came out good. I brined it AND let it dry out in the fridge for three days. See, I haven't made enough of these things to be married to one method, so I have tried something new every year. Last year the skin was flabby, so I tried the drying technique and it worked. The skin came out bronzed and sort of crisp. BUT, lean in a little: I think turkey skin just isn't as good as chicken skin, so I really am not going to worry about it anymore. *gasp*  It looks nice all browned, but it doesn't bring anything to the flavor party. Let's all just stop pretending it's as good as chicken skin or that it is anything more than cosmetic. I hope I remember this next year. Please remind me.

baked stuffing bits as crouton-like garnish

Something else I learned from last year was to buy turkey wings separately to do two things: make a stock and flavor your stuffing ... er ... dressing, since I don't stuff the bird. Last year, I fabricated my bird to use the wings and to try a new cooking method, and it was not a job I care to repeat. This year, I roasted whole and bought wings to roast atop the stuffing - good idea, take heed. I got it from the Test Kitchen.

sunchoke soup with dressing garnish

I love stuffing the most as a side dish - another plate fraught with drama. I think I am alone on the dry-and-crisp side, whereas most people happily congregate over in the moist area. That didn't come out right. What I mean is that I like to make stuffing, er ... dressing, in a baking dish so that I get a crispy top and browned corners. My mother confessed this year - and I subsequently found out that my position is really the minority - that she likes the stuffing in the bird because of the flavor and moisture. Oh, well, I didn't realize ... So much talk about the stuffing is really to say that I believe one of my most inspired leftover dishes wasn't a dish at all, but rather a condiment of sorts. I spread stuffing bits out on a sheet pan and roasted them until they were browned and crunchy. Great on soup, salad, vegetables, and even ravioli. Okay, a little weird on ravioli, but really great on the other dishes.

ravioli stuffed with pureed turkey and stuffing

ravioli with dressing garnish

turkey pho

I always make a couple of soups, too. This year I managed one from brown stock and one from the carcass stock, enriched with Asian spices like star anise.

turkey chilaquiles

And you just have to do chilaquiles with the very last of the meat. Since the dish is so ridiculously easy, I made it a little harder by making my own tortilla chips. But, no, I didn't make the tortillas. Oh! Inspiration for next year: tamales!

I think I went all Iron Chef on my leftovers, really. I am all puffed up with deserved hubris. The empanadas were my favorite, the pho was the most satisfying, and the stuffing-cum-garnish the most inspired.

Unedited Baking

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume I will have company out there when I say that I let my waistline sort of bulge a bit this time of year. I started baking early. Like, November. Lots of cookies. Too many cookies. And cake. And a pie or two.


I never make New Year's resolutions along the lines of "losing five pounds," but this year I just might.

Here we have the Thanksgiving offerings, which both came out ridiculously good this year, if I do say so myself. A pear tart and a chiffon cake. The cake was so messy and the instructions have all caps telling you, "DO NOT UNDERBEAT THE EGGWHITES!" I was terrified. As you see, it all worked out great and tasty and light and airy. That kind of great. 

This is what happens when you do not properly grease your bundt. Be warned! 

My new cookie love is a browned butter buckwheat chocolate chip cookie. Which barely beats out whole wheat chocolate chip. Are you sensing a theme? This plate represents the three cookies I sent to my sister for her wedding (!): a Mexican wedding cookie (duh), a sable nantes, and the aforementioned chocolate chip buckwheat thing. Don't worry, she got more than three cookies. 

And this beauty was an upside-down cranberry ginger cake. Now, I like my gingerbread spicy and this one delivered with a ton of ginger spice plus minced fresh ginger. It was so spicy that Sam said he didn't like it. Good. More for me. Actually, there was so much for me that I sent a bunch to work with Josh. He was asked for the recipe, so I feel like I won. Something.